Let’s Talk Triangulation
Psychological or Social Triangulation occurs when a person manipulates a situation by involving a third party to gain control, create conflict, or maintain power in relationships. This tactic is often used in toxic dynamics, whether in families, workplaces, friendships, or romantic relationships.
Common Forms of Triangulation:
• The Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor Cycle: Someone plays the victim to gain sympathy, pits two people against each other, or seeks validation.
• Silent Treatment or Exclusion: One person communicates indirectly through a third party instead of addressing issues directly.
• Comparisons & Favoritism: Creating competition by praising one person while criticizing another to maintain control.
Effects of Triangulation:
• Increases tension and conflict
• Erodes trust in relationships
• Creates unnecessary competition or resentment
• Gives the manipulator more control
How to Handle It:
• Recognize the tactic and don’t engage in the drama.
• Communicate directly with the involved parties instead of relying on a middleman.
• Set boundaries with the manipulator to stop enabling the behavior.
Reference
Books:
• Berne, E. (1964). Games people play: The psychology of human relationships. Grove Press.
• Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.
• Rosenberg, R. (2013). The human magnet syndrome: The codependent narcissist trap. Premier Publishing & Media.
• Simon, G. K. (1996). In sheep’s clothing: Understanding and dealing with manipulative people. A.J. Christopher & Company.
• Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Harmony.
Articles
• Verywell Mind:
Stark, S. (2022, August 10). What is triangulation in psychology? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology-5120617
• Psych Central:
Arabi, S. (2019, October 8). Triangulation: The narcissist’s best play. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/10/triangulation-and-narcissism
• Simply Psychology:
McMahon, E. (2021, August 3). Triangulation in psychology: Impact on relationships & how to respond. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-triangulation-in-psychology.html